黄群雄——老人优先：优雅有尊严地变老权利

从前，一对夫妻想要抛弃日渐衰弱，难以照顾的年迈父母。他们并非来自富裕家庭，夫妻密谋在实施这一恶行之前，夺取父母所拥有的一切财物。一天晚上，男人对妻子说：“我们做一个大篮子，把父母放进去，然后扔到福利机构去。”他们不知道的是，旁边的小儿子偷听了他们的对话。

第二天，他们去买东西的时候，经过超市卖塑胶品的区域。小男孩大声说：“妈妈，爸爸，我可以买下这个大篮子吗？”他们问孩子：“儿子，你想用它做什么？”男孩自豪地在所有购物者面前说到：“等我长大了，你们也老了，我要把你们俩装进篮子里，扔到福利机构去，就像你们为爷爷奶奶计划的那样！但如果你有钱，我会好好照顾你的。”

现在想像一下，如果当时你是那对夫妻其中一人，在你的小儿子公开你的“最终解决方案”后，不管这是不是真的，你和你的配偶会有什么感受？这个故事给我们的一个重要教训：我们如何对待年迈的父母反映了我们的成长方式，尊重和关爱不同代的人，让其生活充实和有尊严是非常重要的。

在这个年轻人常常被誉为未来、老年人被视为过时的巨大分化中，掩盖了代际合作的丰富潜力。爱尔兰剧作家、评论家萧伯纳曾说过：“青春是如此美好，可惜都浪费在年轻人的身上了。”这反映了一种现象，即青春的活力和朝气有时会因为缺乏经验、智慧或观点而被浪费掉。世代之间的鸿沟可能会掩盖了年轻人和老年人之间合作的丰富潜力。

由于科技进步，人类现在的寿命更长，可以与后代，至少两代人共享天伦。2020年，全球65岁以上人口估计有7.27亿人。到了2050年，这一数字预计将增加至15亿，即世界人口的16%。老龄化社会将增加医疗保健和退休成本，同时减少劳动力，从而对许多国家的社会经济体系带来压力。这对公共资源是一个重大负担，并对老年人和年轻人的财务增加了不确定性。正是在这种情况下，一种被称为年龄歧视或老年歧视丑陋做法开始盛行。

根据世界卫生组织的说法，年龄歧视或老年歧视是指基于年龄对他人或自己的刻板印象（我们的思维方式）、偏见（我们的感受）和歧视（我们的行为方式）。无论是否知情，年龄歧视在社会中普遍存在——从就业机会到医疗保健服务。我们看到年长的员工在晋升时被忽视，甚至在工作场所先被裁员。在医疗保健领域，医护人员可能因为先入为主的观念而对老年病例关注不够，例如“你现在老了，抱歉我们能为你做的不多”。对老年人的歧视越来越普遍，更糟的是，面对这情况人们一般表现出无知或不在乎，直到这种情况发生在自己身上。

媒体也经常以刻板的方式描绘老年人，透过展示他们拿著拐杖，气喘，吃力的走出每一步，来强调他们的虚弱。就好像我们活著的每一秒都会慢慢变成一种负担，对于人类来说，没有什么比我们的身体慢慢退化，并以可悲的方式死去更糟糕的命运了。我们应该制止这种观点，并展示老年人的正面形象，例如积极参与社会活动的长者。

尊重老年人

在马来西亚，虽然依然有尊重长者传统，但当代社会趋势有时倾向于重视年轻人而不是经验，这可能会导致年龄歧视态度。在家庭中一种常见的年龄歧视形式，就是老年人如祖母等询问她的孙子如何使用脸书或Zoom时。这往往遭到讽刺和不耐烦的回应，因为年轻人认为老年人“缓慢”或“只是在浪费时间”。一种流行的观念更强化了这种误解，即所有老年人有一天都会因老化和失智症而丧失心智能力。

尊重社会中的老年人，对于维持社会和谐和打造富有同情心社会至关重要。俗话说，人要想在自己的土地上繁荣昌盛，首先要学会孝敬父母。认可老人的贡献并给予他们尊重是我们的道德义务，也是为我们的生活带来幸福的先决条件。我们应该培养代际友谊，这不仅可以改善老年人的生活，还可以透过老年人丰富多样经验使社区更富裕。

一种经得起时间考验，尊重老年人的方法，就是专注于他们的需求或积极倾听他们想要传达讯息。老人的故事和经历为我们的人生旅程提供了帮助，这比我们自己艰难地学习要好得多。透过有意义的对话，我们展示对老人智慧和知识的尊重。在日常生活中帮助年长者是另一个重要面向。无论是协助购买杂货、提供戴送服务还是只是陪伴，这些小小的善举都会大有帮助。然而，在提供善意时，我们应该始终对他们的尊严、独立和自我价值保持敏感，以避免让他们觉得自己比我们低人一等。

要改变年龄歧视必须采取多方面的方法，例如透过教育、提高意识和鼓励代际友谊。克服年龄歧视并非不可能，我们可以建立一个重视、尊重和关心各年龄层人的社会，同时善用每一代人贡献的独特资产。

认识到我们的年龄歧视习惯并努力改变之，从我们每个人开始，无论年轻人还是老年人。除了用年长者的人生故事来激励我们成为更好的人和塑造更好的人性之外，重视和欣赏我们长辈的成就也至关重要。因为我们也会像我们之前的人一样变老。

黄群雄《老人优先：优雅有尊严地变老权利》原文：Age before beauty: Right to grow old with grace and dignity

Once upon a time, a man and his wife wanted to get rid of their elderly parents, who were growing frail and difficult to take care of. Not coming from a rich family, they plotted to claim whatever inheritance they had before carrying out the dastardly deed. One night, the man said to his wife: “Let us make a big basket so we can put our parents inside and dump them at the charity home.” Unbeknownst to them, their little son nearby had overheard their conversation.   

The next day, as they went shopping, they passed the section of the supermarket selling plastic wares. In a loud voice, the little boy said: “Mummy, daddy, can I buy this big basket?” They asked him: “Why son? What do you want to do with it?” The boy proudly declared in front of all the other shoppers: “When I grow up and you grow old, I want to put both of you in the basket and dump you at the charity home just like what you planned for grandpa and grandma! But if you have money, I will take care of you well.”

Now imagine yourself in this scenario after your young son had publicly revealed your “final solution”. Irrespective whether it’s for real, how would you and your spouse feel? This story should teach us a vital lesson: How we treat our elderly parents reflects how we are raised, and it is important to uphold respect and kindness across generations to live a fulfilling and dignified life.

In a world where the young are often hailed as the future and the old as the outgoing past, a significant divide emerges, overshadowing the rich potential of intergenerational collaborations. Irish playwright and critic George Bernard Shaw once said: “Youth is wasted on the young.” It speaks of a phenomenon where the vigour and exuberance of youth are sometimes squandered due to a lack of experience, wisdom or perspective. This divide between generations can overshadow the rich potential of collaborations between the young and old. 

Thanks to technological advances, humanity is now living long enough to enjoy the company of their offspring for at least two generations. In 2020, there were an estimated 727 million people aged 65 and above worldwide. This figure is expected to rise to 1.5 billion by 2050, or 16% of the world's population. An ageing society will strain the socioeconomic system of many countries by increasing healthcare and retirement costs, while reducing the labour force. This puts a strain on public resources and increases financial uncertainties for both the elderly and younger population that supports them. It is in this situation that an ugly practice known as ageism begins to take hold. 

According to the World Health Organisation, ageism refers to the stereotype (how we think), prejudice (how we feel) and discrimination (how we act) against others or oneself based on age. Knowingly or not, age discrimination is widespread in society — from employment opportunities to healthcare provisions. We see older workers being passed over for promotions or even preferentially retrenched in the workplace. In healthcare, medical personnel may be providing insufficient attention to geriatric cases because of preconceived perceptions, such as "You are old now, sorry we can't do much for you.” Discrimination against the elderly is getting pervasive, and worse still, people are ignorant or couldn’t care less until it happens to them. 

The media often portrays older people in a stereotypical manner, emphasising their frailty by showing them with a walking stick, wheezing and struggling to take every step. It is as if every second we live will slowly become a liability, and there is no fate worse for humanity than to expect our body to slowly degenerate and die in a pathetic manner. We should put a stop to this view and showcase positive representations of older people like those actively engaged in social activities.

In Malaysia, while traditional respect for elders is still heeded, modern societal trends sometimes lean towards valuing youth over experience, which may contribute to ageism attitudes. A common form of ageism is evident in homes when an elderly person, such as a grandmother, asks her grandchild how to use Facebook or Zoom.  This request is often met with sarcasm and impatience because the young ones think that elderly folk are “slow” or “just wasting their time”. This misperception is reinforced by the popular notion that all old people will one day lose their mental capabilities to senility and dementia. 

Respecting older persons in our society is crucial in maintaining a harmonious and compassionate community.  It is said that if people wish to prosper in their land, they must first learn to honour their parents. Recognising their contributions and showing them respect is our moral obligation, as well as a prerequisite to bring blessings to our lives. We should foster inter-generational fellowship, which not only enhances the lives of the elderly, but also enrich communities with the rich and diverse experiences they bring.

One time-tested way to respect older people is by being attentive to their needs or actively listening to what they wish to impart. Their stories and experiences offer lessons that can help us in our life journeys, which is much better than learning it the hard way ourselves. By engaging in meaningful conversations, we show that we value their wisdom and knowledge. Helping them in daily activities is another important aspect. Whether it’s assisting with groceries, offering a ride or simply being there for companionship, these small acts of kindness go a long way. However, in offering our kindness, we should always be sensitive to their dignity, independence and self-worth to avoid giving them the idea that that they have become lesser persons than us. 

The fight against ageism must take a multifaceted approach, such as through education, creating awareness and encouraging inter-generational fellowship. Ageism is not impossible to overcome, and we can build a society that values, respects and cares for people of all ages while utilising the unique assets that each generation has to contribute.

Realising our ageism habits and making the effort to change begins with each of us, whether young or old. It's crucial to highlight and appreciate the accomplishments of our elders, besides using their life stories to inspire ourselves to be better people, and better humanity. For we, too, will grow old just like those before us.