在卸任美国国务卿前，布林肯在最后一场官方记者会上，因其加沙政策遭到指责。为此，本人以夸张和讽刺的语气模仿美国总统拜登与国务卿布林肯之间的对话，来探讨国际政治局势：
拜登：哈啰，布林肯，你刚刚打电话给我吗？我正在午睡。你知道不应该在那个时间打扰我。下次别这么做，好吗？
布林肯：抱歉，老大。我刚刚在记者会上有点狼狈，想要提醒你一下。
拜登：提醒我？什么事！
布林肯：嗯，有些记者说，您和我的“政治遗产”就是种族灭绝；他们说我们被以色列控制，任由当代的大屠杀发生。一个还说我是战争罪犯。我打电话是想提醒您，下次面对媒体时可能也会遇到同样的情况。现在这已经上了头条。美国和国际媒体都在报导这些，把我们描写得很糟糕。
拜登：我们？这跟我没关系。该死的！他们是谁？他们怎么进入你的记者会现场的？
布林肯：我已把其中一人赶走了，老大。安保工作做得不好，没检查清楚。但我肯定是特朗普和马斯克搞的鬼。他们安排那些记者混进来的，可能还付了钱。
拜登：又是特朗普那混蛋！他能不能放过我！你知道他现在声称加沙停火是他的功劳吗？
布林肯：是啊，老大。我的人员给我看了他的社交媒体，他的说法也让我很生气。那明明是我们的功劳。我不知道飞了多少次耶路撒冷。他和其他人却说他才是和平的缔造者。
拜登：太过分了。看起来媒体又要倒戈了。CNN、华盛顿邮报、纽约时报，这些混蛋！我已经提醒过MSNBC，提我的成就，包括让哈马斯和以色列达成停火协议。让你的人告诉他们，再播放一次我的采访。
布林肯：绝对是的。停火完全是我们的功劳。是您和我的。但那些外交官、官员甚至媒体都说，是特朗普的威胁下——如果不在他就职前释放人质，就会面临后果——才是转折点。不过您知道，如果我们早些对以色列和内塔尼亚胡施压，我们可能早就能促成停火。但现在左右两边的，甚至中间派的批评者都说我们太软弱、无能，或者和以色列关系太密切。
拜登：算了吧，布林肯。别再提加沙了，拜托。那件事已经过去了。专注于我——我们——为确保拯救巴勒斯坦人和阿拉伯人所做的努力。整个中东都应该感激我们。确保这个信息能传达到阿拉伯媒体和所有媒体。
布林肯：抱歉，老大。刚才的记者会真的让我很不爽。好的，我明白了。
拜登：我现在也很生气了。谢谢你告诉我这些。但我会找机会对特朗普和共和党人报复的。
布林肯：哇！
拜登：把那个TikTik，呃，不对，是TokTik，还是TokTok的烫手山芋丢给他们。
布林肯：太棒了，老大！时机绝佳。这会让他手忙脚乱。
拜登：我一直说，大家说我看起来像40岁，但我的思维才20岁。
布林肯：我知道，老大。
拜登：你懂的，布林肯，复仇的最好方式就是冷处理。再告诉你个秘密，我开了一个“小红笔记”（Red Book）账户，成了TikTok难民。你知道吗，我曾经在TikTok上有数十万粉丝。我会在“小红笔记”上搞垮特朗普和马斯克。
啊——我真期待就职日的第二天。他们根本不知道会发生什么事。
布林肯：哇！不是“小红笔记”，老大。是——小红书（RedNote）。作为那里博主，您一定会大受欢迎，这恐怕没人会想到的。我孩子们也玩TikTok。但他们现在也转到小红书。
拜登：是的。米格尔·卡多纳（拜登当总统时教长）告诉我，我们的年轻TikToker正在转向小红书，开始与中国交朋友，还读毛主席语录。
天哪，特朗普那帮人——沃尔兹、卢比奥、赫格塞斯——肯定会因为这个烫手山芋而内心焦灼！他们一定会气炸。我还有件事。我也要在小红书上搞垮（美国众议院前议长）佩洛西、（前总统）奥巴马和其他人。他们弄垮我，否则我会再次当总统。哈里斯根本赢不了。
我本可以取得压倒性胜利。但你知道，只是一时失手，他们就全都倒戈了——我原本应该会赢的！
布林肯：对，完全同意，老大。我也可以继续保护美国的安全。美国人会后悔的。我们留下了了不起的政绩，佩洛西和其他民主党人似乎并不欣赏。我们通过印太安全联盟让澳洲花了4000亿美元（1.7兆令吉）买美国潜艇来支持美国工人和美国预算。在我们执政时，从北约和印太地区获得创纪录的武器订单足于让我们的工厂繁忙运作。
这一切都是为了我们的国家安全和年轻一代。这是我们引以为傲的政绩，我们的历史会记载下来，老大。
拜登：说到安全，安排我和习近平再会面一次——告诉他的团队，我可以帮助中国重新赢得美国的信任。中国不应该相信特朗普。
布林肯：好主意，老大。特别是特朗普正在吹嘘他和习近平的“伟大对话”，承诺这个那个，声称让世界“更和平”。但别让亨特（拜登儿子）去帮忙，哈哈，老大——开玩笑的。
拜登：这可不是玩笑，布林肯。尽快安排与习会面，好吗！特朗普和共和党人会后悔和我作对。我相信习会听我的意见。你知道，他和我可是老朋友了。
再次强调以上为美国总统拜登与国务卿安东尼布林肯在2025年1月16日布林肯记者会后的对话戏仿。
林德宜《拜登对布林肯说：看我如何搞垮特朗普》原文：Biden to Blinken: How I Will Screw Trump
Journalists berate Blinken over Gaza policy at his final press conference
Biden: Hello Blinky. Did you call me? I was having my afternoon nap. You know you shouldn’t be calling at that hour. Don’t do it again, okay!
Blinken: Sorry Boss. I had a rough time at my press conference just now and wanted to warn you.
Biden: Warn me - about what!
Blinken: Well, there were these journalist who said that yours and mine legacy was genocide; that we were compromised by Israel and allowed the Holocaust of our time to take place. One called me a criminal. Called to wake you up and warn that the same may happen when you next meet the press. It’s making headline news. US and international media were there and they are making us look bad.
Biden: Us? I wasn’t involved. Shit. Who were they? How did they get into your briefing room?
Blinken: I got one of them removed, Boss. Security didn’t do a good job of checking. But I am sure it’s Trump’s and Musk’s work. They arranged for the journalists to get through. Probably paid them, you know.
Biden: Trumpie, again! Sonna……bitch. Will he never leave me alone! Do you know that he is claiming credit for my work on the Gaza truce?
Blinken: Yeah Boss. Staff showed me that on his X account. Pisses me off too. It's all our work. I flew umpteen times to Jerusalem. But he and others are saying that he is the architect of peace.
Biden: Too much. Looks like media is changing sides again. CNN, Post, Times. Bastards! I reminded MSNBC of my accomplishments, including getting Hamas and Israel to do that ceasefire deal. Get your boys to tell them to run my interview again.
Blinken: Definitely. The ceasefire was our doing. Yours and mine. But the diplomats and officials and even the media are saying that it was Trump’s demand that there would be hell to pay should hostages not be released before his inauguration that they see as the turning point. But you know - we could have produced a ceasefire far earlier if we pushed Israel and Net (Netanyahu, Israeli Prime harder）. Left, right and center critics are saying that we were too
weak, too incompetent, or too much in bed with Israel to do so.
Biden: Come on, Blinky. Stop reminding me about Gaza, please. That’s over and done with. Just focus on me - on us - and what we did to ensure that Palestinians and Arabs were saved. The whole Middle East should be grateful. Make sure that message goes out in the Arab media, all media.
Blinken: Sorry Boss. The press just now really upset me. Okie. Will do.
Biden: Well, I'm also pissed off too now. No thanks for telling me. But I’m getting my own back on Trumpie and the Republicans.
Blinken: Whoa!
Biden: Handing him the TikTik, no sorry, I mean TokTik, no its TokTok hot potato to handle.
Blinken: Brilliant Boss! Great timing. That'll put his knickers in a twist.
Biden: I've been saying, People say I look like I'm 40 but my mind is 20.
Blinken: I know Boss.
Biden: You know me, Blinky, revenge is best served cold. Here's another secret. I've got myself a Red Book account. Legit Tok Tok refugee. Do you
know, I once had hundreds of thousands of followers on my Tok. And I will be screwing Trump, Musk from the Red Book.
Man - I’m looking forward to the day after the inauguration. They are not going to know what hit them.
Blinken: Wow! Not a Red book, Boss. It's called RedNote - Xiaohongshu. As a tokker there, you will simply hit it out of the park. No one will know. My kids are into Tik tok too, you know. But they are also moving to RedNote.
Biden: Yup. Micky (Miguel Cardona, Education Secretary in the Biden administration) tells me that our young Tikkers are turning to Red Book and starting to make friends with China and reading Mao’s red book.
Boy, oh boy - the whole bunch of Trumpies - Waltz, Rubio, Hegseth - will have their bowels in an uproar trying to handle this hot potato! They will go ballistic, I know. Here's something else. I'm going to get even with Nancy, Bama and others on Red Note. I would have been President again but the b……s put me down. Kamala was never gonna win.
I could have even won by a landslide. But you know, I had one bad night and they all turned rats - I would have, should have won!
Blinken: Yeah. Definitely Boss. And I could continue to keep America safe and secure. America is going to regret this. We've left a terrific legacy which Nancy and other Democrats don't seem to appreciate. Got Aussies to pay 400 billion dollars for AUKUS American submarines to help our workers and budget. Record weapons money from NATO and Indo Pacific to keep our factories humming.
And all this for our national security and younger generation.. That's our legacy we can be proud of, and our history books will record, Boss.
Biden: Speaking of security, get me one more chat with Xi - tell his boys that I can play a role in helping China get back into America's good books. China shouldn’t trust Trump.
Blinken: Great idea Boss. Especially since Trump has been crowing that he had a great chat with Xi and promising this and that, and making the world “more peaceful”. But don’t send Hunter (Hunter Biden, son of Joe Biden) to help on this. Haha, Boss - just a joke.
Biden: Not a joke, Blinky. Get me the chat ASAP okay! Trump and the Republicans will regret messing with me. I am sure Xi will listen to what I have in mind. You know, he and I are old friends from a long time back.
Parody of US President Joe Biden and US Secretary of State Antony Blinken chatting about Blinken’s press conference on 16 Jan, 2025.
公共政策分析学者
